


Lost

by Janatee



Series: Whouffle [2]
Category: Doctor Who
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-22
Updated: 2014-06-22
Packaged: 2018-02-05 17:34:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1826497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janatee/pseuds/Janatee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Horrified breaths shot in and out of her lungs; she could hear herself whimper as she fell to her knees. ‘I don’t know where I am,’ she sobbed."</p><p>The first and last time Clara was terrified of getting lost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Time

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written for the prompt "First Time/Last Time" in the 2014 Doctor Who Fest, and was originally posted on star-spangled-souffle.tumblr.com.
> 
> **Trigger Warning for Anxiety**

Families clutched paper plates and potluck dishes, gathering around picnic tables. Young Clara Oswald held her mothers hand tightly. They walked together, weaving through groups of neighbors.

“Nancy!” she heard her mother say, “Wonderful to see you! You look fantastic. Have you been able to get out of the house now that you’ve got two little ones?”

“Every now and then,” ‘Nancy’ said, “My, my, this can’t be Clara!”

“Hi,” Clara said, giving a small wave.

“They just grow up so fast!”

“Oh, I know!”

The women continued. Clara quickly realized that this was going to be a long, boring, and entirely grown-up conversation she wanted no part of.

 

She looked around for a way out, and spotted a dog. He was a tiny runt of a thing, running in circles and letting out a series of excited yips. She trotted over to him.

“Good dog,” she said, petting his head. He wagged his tail happily, and Clara laughed.

“Do you want to play?” she said. She fished a cloth doll out of her pocket and threw it. The dog struggled after it, stubby legs scrambling comically. He caught the doll and started to play with it, ignoring Clara.

“Bring her back, doggy,” she said, “hey!”

She ran after him, snatching the doll from his mouth.

“That’s not what you’re s’posed to do,” she chided, “Try again. Fetch!” She threw the doll as hard as she could. It landed in a large area of trees near the park, and the dog disappeared after it. He didn’t come back.

 

Clara followed where the dog had gone, but she saw no sign of him.

“I don’t think you understand this game,” she said, “Hello?” A twig cracked, and she walked toward the noise. She could his tail wagging behind a tree trunk 

“I don’t think that-“

She froze. The dolls head was ripped completely off. It lay limply among damp leaves, yarn hair brown with mud. The dog sat several feet away, gnawing on the remains.

“No!” she cried hysterically, “No, stop! Stop it!”

She ran towards him.

“Bad dog!” she cried, and kicked him in the side, “Let her go!”

 

The dog opened his jaws and ran away, letting the rumpled cloth body fall to the ground. Clara rushed to pick it up.

“Mum, come help,” she shouted, “Elliot is-”

Her mother was gone. Clara looked around desperately. The playground was nowhere to be seen. Trees loomed around her, looking the same in every direction. Suddenly the place looked very sinister. What was behind that log? Above those branches? Under the pile of leaves?

“Mother!” she shouted desperately, tiny lungs fuelling a shrill cry.

There was no response.

 

She was lost.

She started to breathe faster and faster, could see her hand shaking. Panic exploded through her brain, replacing any rational thought. Her whole body was on edge; she felt smothered with it, like she was going to collapse. She could hear screaming,and covered her ears, only to discover that they were her own.

 

_No, no, no, stop it stop it stop it get me out! Help! Help!_

 

She knew she was never getting out; she would be trapped her forever. She would die alone and lost, drowning in anxiety, panic.

 

“Clara? Clara!”

The voice was so far away. She felt the ground go away, felt strong arms around her, lifting her up.

“I don’t know where I am,” she screamed, “I don’t know where I am! I’m going to die; I don’t know where I am!”

‘’Shhhh, shhhh,” she heard, “Mum’s got you, Clara. I’ve got you, I’ve got you…”


	2. Last Time

Clara shuddered awake, her vision clouded by thick yellow mist. She looked around desperately. _Who am I?_ she thought, _What’s going on?_

 “Doctor?” she called. Nobody answered.

Suddenly, she felt sick. She didn’t know where she was. She was alone; nobody was coming.

 

Her throat caught.

“Doctor!” she cried.

 _No, no!_ The panic hit her: her limps felt unnaturally light, like she was about to throw up. She could feel her brain overloading, thoughts draining into a giant panicky exclamation point.

 _I am okay,_ she thought firmly, _I will get out of here. I am fine._

 

No. She was lost, she was lost, lost, lost.

 

Her brain rocketed into panic, tears fell from her eyes. _This is not happening_ , she thought, _I am fine. I know where I am. It’s all okay. I am fine._

She tried to focus on slowing her breath, stopping her blood from pumping so fast, focus on something, anything other than the panic.

_It’s okay, I am fine; this is just one more-NO!_

Horrified breaths shot in and out of her lungs; she could hear herself whimper as she fell to her knees.

“I don’t know where I am,” she sobbed.

_I’m lost, I’m gone, I’m going to die here._

It had overtaken her now; she was drowning in anxiety, everything but pure fear evacuated from her shaking body.

 

_Make it stop, make it stop, no I can’t I can’t I’m going to die!_

 

 “Clara!” she heard. _Who was there?_

A tiny flicker of hope sparked below the panic and fear.

“You can hear me; I know you can,” said the same voice.

“I can’t see you,” she whispered.

“I’m everywhere. You’re inside my timestream. Everything around you is me.”

It was the Doctor.

She took a deep breath, and stood up.

“I can see you,” she said. Blurry figures ran by her. She recognized them; they were him. What was going on?

“All your different faces, they’re here,” she said.

“Those are my ghosts, my past. Every good day. Every bad day,” he said.

Suddenly there was a mighty clap of thunder and a burst of light. The blast knocked her to the ground. _No, no!_

“What’s happening?!” she cried desperately.

“I’m inside my own time stream, collapsing in on itself.”

“Well, get out, then!”

She hadn’t come this far for him to die now, _no no no NO!_

“Not until I’ve got you,” he said.

 _What was he trying to do?_ He couldn’t get her out. She was desperately lost; there wasn’t a chance.  

 

“I don’t even know who I am,” she whimpered.

“You’re my impossible girl,” she heard the Doctor say, “I’m sending you something. Not from my past, but from yours. Look up.”

A large red leaf sailed through the air. She breathed deeply and stood again. _Just get up, don’t think about it, don’t worry, don’t worry._

“This is you, Clara,” he said, “Everything you were or will be. Take it!”

She reached out her hand and grabbed the leaf.

“You blew into the world on this leaf. Hold tight; it will take you home.”

She stumbled forward, following the voice.

“Clara! Clara come on?”

She was almost spent, fighting to hold back the fear, to just take one more step. She turned to see the Doctor reaching toward her.

“You can do it; I know you can,”

No, she couldn’t, she knew she couldn’t, this was it, she was done, it wasn’t going to work.

“How?” she asked.

“Because it’s impossible and you’re my impossible girl. How many times have you saved me, Clara?”

She stumbled toward him again, _come on, come on, just a little more, oh God, no, this was it, this was the end, I can’t do it I can’t do it._

“Just this once, just for the hell of it, let me save you.”

She moved bit by bit, forcing herself forward. _Don’t think about it, just keep going._

“You have to trust me, Clara. I’m real; just one more step!”

She collapsed on top of him, and he caught her, held her tight. _It was okay she was safe now she knew she was safe, everything was okay, he’d come back._

She breathed a desperate sigh of relief and squeezed tight. He pulled her closer.

“Clara. My Clara!” he cried. She sunk into his arms. She had left to save him, and he had come back to save her. They had each other. She was safe. All the panic fell away.

 

Clara was never afraid to get lost again.  


End file.
